Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
