I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
