just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
