Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
