smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
