I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
