I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize