I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
