Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
