dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
