We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize