im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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