The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
