Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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