and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
