I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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