I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
