the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
