i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize