Im at strip club and am horny
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
