he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
