I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
