I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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