We won't sleep together?
I'm really into asian looking animals
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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