i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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