You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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