i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
