My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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