Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
