remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
