She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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