your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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