You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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