Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
