Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
