At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
