ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
