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I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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