You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
