His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
