I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
