i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
