Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
