I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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