OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
