Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
