Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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