she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
