Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
