I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize