Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
