Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize