I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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