well I can't set my house on fire every night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
