yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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