what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
