She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
