all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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