i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize