Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
