i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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