my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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